Introduction
Among the many challenging sayings of Jesus, few have been misunderstood as often as His words in Matthew 10:37. At first glance, they appear to contradict one of the Ten Commandments. If God commands us to honour our father and mother, why would Jesus say that anyone who loves father or mother more than Him is "not worthy" of Him?
A similar teaching is found in St. Luke's Gospel, where Jesus uses even stronger language. Depending on the Bible translation, He says that anyone who does not "hate" or "disregard" father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, and even his own life cannot be His disciple.
Was Jesus asking His followers to love their families less? Was He contradicting the commandment to honour our parents? Or was He revealing a deeper truth about discipleship and our relationship with God?
To understand these passages correctly, we must read them in the light of the whole of Scripture. As we shall see, Jesus was not diminishing the importance of family. Rather, He was teaching that our love for God must always be our highest priority. When God occupies the first place in our hearts, every other relationship finds its proper place.
The Scripture
"He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me isn’t worthy of me."
— Matthew 10:37
St. Luke records the same teaching using even stronger language:
"If anyone comes to me, and doesn’t disregard his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he can’t be my disciple."
— Luke 14:26
Does Jesus Contradict the Fourth Commandment?
The answer is clearly no. Throughout Scripture, God consistently commands His people to honour their parents and care for their families.
"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you."
— Exodus 20:12
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with a promise."
— Ephesians 6:1–2
Jesus Himself rebuked those who used religious traditions as an excuse to neglect their parents.
"You no longer allow him to do anything for his father or his mother, making void the word of God by your tradition."
— Mark 7:12–13
It is therefore impossible to conclude that Jesus was teaching His disciples to abandon or neglect their families. Instead, He was speaking about the order of our loves.
What Did Jesus Mean?
The key to understanding Matthew 10:37 lies in the words "more than me."
Jesus is not asking us to love our families less. He is teaching that our love for Him must be greater than every other love. God must always occupy the highest place in our hearts.
This principle has existed from the very beginning of God's covenant with His people.
"You shall have no other gods before me."
— Exodus 20:3
When asked which commandment was the greatest, Jesus answered:
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment."
— Matthew 22:37–38
Every other relationship—including our love for our family—is meant to flow from this supreme love for God.
Understanding Luke 14:26
Luke's account uses stronger language, stating that a disciple must "hate" (or "disregard") father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, and even his own life.
Jesus was not commanding literal hatred toward one's family. Rather, He was using a common Jewish teaching style known as hyperbole—deliberate exaggeration used to emphasize an important truth.
Matthew's Gospel explains the meaning of Luke's stronger wording. The issue is not hatred but priority. Our commitment to Christ must be so complete that every other relationship is secondary in comparison.
Loving God Helps Us Love Others Better
Some people think that putting God first means loving their family less. The opposite is true.
When we love our family more than God, we may be tempted to compromise our conscience for their sake. We may justify dishonesty, corruption, revenge, or other sinful actions because our greatest loyalty is to those we love.
However, when God comes first, our love for our family is purified. We continue to love, protect, and provide for them, but we do so within the boundaries of God's commandments.
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
— Matthew 22:39
True love for others is not diminished by loving God first. Rather, it is strengthened and guided by Him.
When Family and Faith Conflict
Jesus warned that following Him would sometimes create divisions even within families.
"A man's foes will be those of his own household."
— Matthew 10:36
There may be times when our family members disagree with our commitment to Christ. In such situations, Jesus calls us to remain faithful to God while continuing to love our family with patience, kindness, and respect.
"We must obey God rather than men."
— Acts 5:29
Jesus Is Our Perfect Example
Jesus perfectly balanced love for God with love for His earthly family. As a child, He obeyed Mary and Joseph.
"He went down with them and came to Nazareth. He was subject to them."
— Luke 2:51
Even while suffering on the cross, He entrusted His mother to the care of the beloved disciple.
"Therefore when Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing there, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold, your son!' Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother!'"
— John 19:26–27
Yet throughout His life, Jesus always placed His Father's will above every other consideration.
"My food is to do the will of him who sent me, and to accomplish his work."
— John 4:34
"Not my will, but yours, be done."
— Luke 22:42
Applying This Teaching Today
Jesus' words challenge every generation of Christians to examine their priorities. Loving God above all else does not weaken our love for our family; it transforms it.
When God comes first, we refuse to lie, cheat, or act unjustly—even if doing so might benefit those we love. We seek to honour Christ in every decision, trusting that obedience to Him is ultimately the greatest blessing we can offer our family.
Putting Christ first also means remaining faithful when our beliefs are misunderstood or opposed by those closest to us. We continue to love them, pray for them, and care for them, but our loyalty to God remains unwavering.
Conclusion
Matthew 10:37 is not a command to love our families less. It is a call to love Christ above all else.
When God occupies the first place in our hearts, every other relationship is enriched. We honour our parents, cherish our spouses, love our children, and serve our families—not as rivals to God, but as gifts entrusted to us by Him.
Our greatest love belongs to God. From that love flows every other true and lasting love.
Let us listen to this reflection as a song.
Click Here...References & Credits
- Scripture quotations are from the World English Bible (WEB), which is in the public domain.
- Pope Francis, Angelus, 28 June 2020
- Writing and editing assistance from ChatGPT by OpenAI.
- Banner image generated using ChatGPT.
Thank you for studying God's Word with us.
May the Lord bless you and guide you as you continue to grow in His truth.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."
— Psalm 119:105
Grace and peace.